Rivers Run
by Maaya
Summary: Former Elder McKinley hadn't know what to expect when he heard that Kevin Price had been in an accident. Light McKinley/Kevin
1. Chapter 1

Notes: This is entirely based on a weird fandom dream I had last night and this was born. I have a vague idea of the direction I want to go with it, and it will be at least one more part (two at most I think). It will have Connor/Kevin of some sort, but not sure how in-depth it will be (don't expect any smut).

 **Rivers Run**

Admittedly, Connor McKinley hadn't known what to expect.

He hadn't had personal contact with Kevin Price since he had left Uganda, which had been the better part of a year before Kevin's own mission would be over. They had all kept in touch through Facebook; Kevin was of course the quintessential preach and bragger, making his life appear to be maddeningly perfect with every status update that he posted.

 _Heading to work, such a great morning!_

 _New challenges and chances to grow. Pumped for college!_

 _Handing in the last paper of the year, don't wake me tomorrow!_

Most updates came with more likes than Connor had friends. In a way it was interesting to see. The guy had never been popular in Uganda, but seeing him in his right element at home did explain a few things about Kevin's character.

Of course Connor knew that no one could be that constantly perfect, not even Kevin, no matter how hard he tried, and it wasn't too difficult to pick up on the subtle hints of truth. For one thing, there were no mentions of church or family. And even though Connor was quite certain that Kevin could have gotten into pretty much any college or university he set his eyes on, he was actually attending community college. The same school as Arnold Cunningham went to, if Connor remembered correctly.

But to be honest, Connor was busy with his own life and his new (progressive Christian) congregation and didn't stop to think much about it. To be completely honest, he didn't even notice when Kevin stopped posting new status updates. It actually took several weeks before he realized why his Facebook page seemed so much… quieter. At first Connor chalked it up to Kevin taking a break from social media. People did that all the time.

It wasn't until almost two months had passed since Kevin's last status update that Connor found out, and then it was only thanks to his cousin's wedding.

Connor may not consider himself a Mormon any longer, but that didn't change the fact that his entire family were devout Latter Day Saints since many, many generations back. Kevin's family was equally large and probably even more devout. Gossip and news did travel within the community.

"…such a tragedy though."

Connor was allowing himself a bit of a time-out to watch the dance floor when he picked up on the conversation nearby. It wasn't intentional eavesdropping as much as the fact that he physically couldn't avoid listening, once his brain had started to filter out the voices.

"It must be so hard for the family."

"I heard he's not making it easier for them by keeping his stance against the church. It is the church, if anything, that could help him through this."

"Well, we all have to follow our own paths. But I do wonder whatever happened in Uganda to make…"

Connor choked on the water he had been sipping on. He coughed once, then managed to stop himself and cleared his throat. This had grown from vague curiosity to personal interest, and he didn't want to miss the rest of the conversation.

"I never thought anyone from the Price family would be excommunicated, to be honest…"

Discomfort was spreading in his abdomen. Perhaps it was dread? Either way, Connor used much of the rest of the night to catch up on this piece of gossip. The details differed from person to person, but one thing was clear.

There had been an accident.

Connor wasn't sure why he hadn't been able to let it go. He hadn't actually talked to Kevin in over two years now. Maybe it was morbid curiosity. Maybe it was concern for someone he had used to call a very good friend. Maybe it was the old crush Connor had been unable to shake off. Whatever the reason, he had tried contacting Kevin directly via both mail and Facebook, and received no reply. Finally, impatiently, he had tried Arnold instead, because he was relatively sure the Kevin and Arnold, at least, still kept in close contact. He was unsure exactly what it was he wanted to say, so had written a very neutral _Hey_.

Arnold had been online and answered at once.

So not to be rude, Connor kept the conversation pretty standard at first, until he couldn't hold it in any longer.

 _I heard about Kevin_ , he wrote.

Even after Arnold had seen the message, he took a long time before answering this time. And when it did, it was simply, _Yeah_.

 _How is he?_

 _Ok._ There was a pause there, though Connor could see the notification that revealed that Arnold that typing for quite a long time before it stopped without any further text being sent. There was another pause. Connor considered if he should ask for more details when Arnold started writing again and sent it. _He's in a rehabilitation center in town_.

 _Oh_. That sounded, well, it sounded both good and bad, Connor supposed.

 _Visiting tomorrow, wanna come?_

He only hesitated for a moment.

 _Sure._

Connor guessed he might have given the impression that he knew more than he actually did about the accident. He had met up with Arnold the next morning, Arnold who had actually had some sort of late growth spurt and had cut his hair but was still pretty much the same jittery, cheerful guy that Connor remembered. What he gathered was that it had been a car accident, just a freak accident in a rain storm. Aquaplaning and not really the fault of either driver. Kevin had taken the worst hit, though. The other guy had walked away unscathed.

The rehabilitation center looked surprisingly nice, almost homely. It was the sign that occupied most of his thoughts, however, because it said, "Spinal Rehabilitation Center".

* * *

So yeah, Connor had gathered some facts, but it had not been enough to prepare him for the sight of Kevin Price in a wheelchair.

He thought that he hid his shock quite well, but it became embarrassingly obvious that Arnold had not prepared Kevin for an extra visitor and Connor got the feeling that Kevin wasn't very happy to see him.

Still, Kevin had smiled politely, greeted him and thanked him for coming. It wasn't as wide as the smiles Connor remembered and his eyes certainly didn't burn with the same ambitious energy the way they used to, but Connor didn't think that he could really fault Kevin for that right now.

Arnold kept up the conversation with cheer that appeared to be only slightly forced and he seemed to be comfortable enough around the facilities to take command of the wheelchair and the direction of where to go as they headed out into the garden. Kevin kept up with the conversation quite well and Connor contributed with information about his own life. Kevin seemed to perk up with interest when Connor mentioned his new congregation, but his expression was hard to read.

After a few moments of general pleasantries, Arnold stood up from the bench where they had settled. "Sorry, gotta find a bathroom."

Kevin waved vaguely in the direction of one of the entrances to the building, and Arnold left Connor and him alone in the garden.

The silence that Arnold left behind was slightly awkward, and Connor took a quiet moment to study his old friend. Kevin was thinner that he remembered, and his right arm was in a cast that was covered in scribbled greetings. He appeared to have made some sort of effort with his hair to prepare for visiting hours, but it obviously needed washing. Connor's stomach clenched as he realized that Kevin possibly, probably required assistance for that sort of thing right now.

"So," Kevin said, almost formally. "How are you, Eld… Connor?"

Connor raised his eyebrows. "Shouldn't I be asking _you_ that?"

Kevin shrugged with his good shoulder. "I get tired of it. You can imagine."

"Still." It was disconcerting, seeing Kevin act so… mellow.

"How did you find out where I was, anyway?"

"Mormon gossip." Connor smiled, somewhat ruefully. "And then I asked Arnold."

"I thought you said you were Lutheran nowadays." There was a definite edge to Kevin's voice now.

"I like the congregation," Connor said mildly. He was used to questions regarding his religious beliefs. "I'm not specifically into Lutheranism. But yeah, I'm definitely not a Latter Day Saint anymore."

"I see," Kevin said, despite looking like he didn't understand at all.

"You've given up church completely then?" Connor felt that he was on dangerous waters, but it also seemed like a subject Kevin was desperate to discuss. He was the one that had brought it up, after all.

"Yes," Kevin said and looked away.

Figures. With Kevin it was always everything or nothing. He waited for Kevin to elaborate, but he didn't say anything else. Connor used the silence to look around in the garden a bit. His initial impressions had been correct; the place was pleasant. Both the garden and the buildings appeared to be in great condition, and the mood of the place was relaxed and inviting, for being a private hospital.

He glanced at Kevin again and wondered how impolite it would be to ask about his injuries. He settled for a safer subject.

"This is quite a place."

"Yeah," Kevin said. "It's nice, I guess."

"Must be expensive," Connor said before he realized that it might be rude to bring up.

"It is." Kevin smiled at him, so wide that Connor realized that he was actually being sarcastic, which didn't become him at all. "My parents are sparing no expenses."

"Sounds nice," Connor said, keeping his voice neutral. He glanced around for Arnold and was glad to see him finally emerge from the building.

* * *

"Yeah…" Arnold stared at the road and for once seemed to think before he talked. "The thing is, he hasn't been on great terms with his family since we got back from Uganda." He slowed down and waited for another car to move so he could switch lanes. Connor had been surprised to find out that Arnold actually had a driver's license. He didn't seem like the type. "And logically, Kevin could be home with them right now, provided his family was willing to help him out with stuff, but, well, I guess they're feeling guilty they're not too keen on that, so they're paying for that place instead."

"That's…"

"Heavy, I know." Arnold gestured with the hand that was not holding the steering wheel. He looked like he wanted to say more about it, but couldn't decide what to say. Eventually he let the hand down to change gears as they could finally speed up.

"Is it…permanent?" Connor said, surprising himself by finally uttering the question he had wanted to ask the entire day.

Thankfully, Arnold seemed to understand what he meant immediately. "The wheelchair? Who knows?" He stared at the road. "I don't know the details, but he says he can't feel his legs at all right now. The doctors say it's difficult to say anything with this type of injury."

Connor nodded and thought about the contrast between the almost plain twenty-one year old in that wheelchair, as compared with the ambitious, high-spirited (and pretty conceited) nineteen year old that he had known in Uganda. Why had he even followed this road of clues to meet Kevin again, like this?

"Maybe you can visit him again though?" Connor looked up to meet Arnold's quick glances between him and the road. "I mean, his family comes along sometimes, but he doesn't really want to meet his groupies from school and I think he's kinda lonely…"

"Sure," Connor said quickly to stop Arnold from rambling. He stopped himself from sighing out loud. "I'd like that."


	2. Chapter 2

**Rivers Run**

 **Part 2**

Connor's plan after his shift at work had been to 1) make himself a big pot of herbal tea, 2) finish his college applications, 3) do a thorough research of paraplegia, and 4) calmly and logically examine his feelings regarding the former Elder Kevin Price. Needless to say, he was already off schedule, but the applications could wait until tomorrow. The more he read about paraplegia and possible side conditions and treatments, the bigger the lump in his throat became, and it was difficult to reconcile this newfound knowledge with the possible future life of Kevin Price.

It wasn't even the prospect of an entire life in a wheelchair that weighed the most heavily for Connor (though he willingly admitted that he had no right to have an opinion on the matter). He didn't know the details of Kevin's particular case, of course, but reading about chronic pain, blood clots, breathing problems and incontinence was still difficult.

He didn't try to contact Arnold or Kevin again until several days after the first meeting, partially out of respect and a desire to give all involved some space, but mostly it was for selfish reasons. Connor considered himself, if not happy, at least satisfied with his life as it was.

He worked full time in a shoe store, as he had been doing ever since he returned from Uganda, and he had continually been given more and more responsibility in his position. He liked it well enough, but was looking at possible colleges that might suit him, considering the possibility of something involving social studies. Beyond that, he involved himself in voluntary work for the church and most of his friends nowadays where members of the congregation. It was a strange thing, he thought, how much his life had changed. In many ways.

Kevin Price hadn't been Connor's first crush, nor had it been his last. It had been of the most difficult things in his life, to accept himself the way he was, and to actively seek out other people that accepted him. Maybe it would have happened sooner or later either way, but one thing that Connor owed Kevin, big time, was that first spark of courage.

He knew that it hadn't been Kevin's specific intention, of course, but one of the biggest turning points in Connor's life could be attributed to the moment when Kevin Price, former Mormon extraordinaire, had said "Fuck it" to the Mormon beliefs.

It might have helped that Kevin was, well, gorgeous. Tall, muscular, unintentionally cocky but also surprisingly dorky, once you got to know him. During the almost two years that Connor had known him, Kevin had never really stopped being a bit self-absorbed, but he had learned to see and appreciate the value in other people, and it had been the sweetest thing to watch him develop.

Connor's heart ached when he thought about those days in Uganda. It had sucked, in so many ways, but he could still remember how sweetly he had longed to be able to taste Kevin's lips, to just be able to lean closer to the other boy, feel the warmth of his body. He'd been so certain that every touch between them, however innocent, had felt like sparks of electricity. Sometimes, he had even suspected that Kevin might… feel something, too.

Connor leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his hair as he let out a frustrated sigh.

Who was he kidding?

His crush on Kevin Price had never completely gone away.

It had just gotten more complicated.

* * *

"Oh, the cast is off." It was a very obvious observation, but the words left Connor's mouth before his mind had caught up with his lips.

Kevin glanced down at his right arm which was resting in his lap. The skin was pale and the arm looked thinner than felt completely natural, but it might just be an illusion from comparing it with the previous bulk of the cast. His fingers twitched a little. "Yeah. Feels a bit weird though."

"I can imagine."

They had met up in what appeared to be a common room of sorts. It had no cafeteria, but a few vending machines and a table with pots of hot water and coffee were lined against one of the walls. From what Connor had gathered, the rehabilitation center had both live-in patients like Kevin as well as people coming and going during the day for medical appointments and physical therapy.

Kevin glanced around the area, and Connor noted that he moved his body gingerly. "I thought Arnold was coming?"

"Sorry, it's just me." He had set up the meeting with Arnold again rather than having personal contact with Kevin (who still didn't answer any Facebook messages). Arnold had been unable to go from the start, but Arnold was not always the kind of guy that thought things through so it was entirely possible that he had forgotten to mention exactly who it was that was going to be visiting.

"Oh." Kevin furrowed his brows but didn't comment further. Instead he waved with his left hand towards the vending machines. "Want anything?"

Connor stood. "Should I bring you anything?"

Kevin wrinkled his nose. "The coffee here is terrible."

He didn't say anything else, so Connor, after a moment's hesitation, brought two cups of hot water and a handful of teabags to choose from. Kevin traced his fingers over his cup, glancing ahead at nothing in particular. He was still cradling his right arm in his lap.

Connor studied him for a moment and his mind searched for something to say. After Arnold's pieces of gossip, it felt like most subjects for polite small talk was connected to something unpleasant.

In the end, he began to talk about what the other Elders from their time in Uganda was doing now, at least those that he had kept in contact with. It turned out, unsurprisingly, that Kevin had only really kept in contact with Arnold, and had like Connor had only gotten his updates regarding the rest of them via Facebook.

The conversation progressed naturally from this to other subjects, like Connor's job and new apartment and Kevin's choice of studies. His actual major was undecided as of yet, but with most of his subjects pointing towards management and economics.

Kevin seemed trail off after this subject and was quiet for a minute. "Of course, I'm re-evaluating things now."

Connor shifted in his seat. "Are you going back to school? Eventually, I mean."

Kevin shrugged. "I have to do _something_ eventually." He didn't sound enthused.

"How long are you staying here then?"

"A while." He paused for a moment before continuing, sounding almost apologetic. "According to my therapist I am depressed, but that's really common for, well, cases like this. And my back hurts sometimes, so they're still monitoring me pretty closely."

"Ah." Connor couldn't shake off the feeling that he was in over his head in this, and it was only their second meeting.

How well did he know Kevin, really? They'd been friendly in Uganda, but a lot of that was probably due to sharing close quarters and finding companionship where it was possible. Now, with their entire identities, social statuses and family situations, there wasn't much that really connected them anymore, was there?

But even if Kevin wasn't a close friend anymore, Connor still knew that he couldn't back out of this… whatever it was. He wasn't sure exactly what it was that he could do, but it felt inhumane to just leave it… leave Kevin alone after Connor had spent time getting in contact with him.

Maybe he was just being a busy-body.

Kevin seemed to have gotten over the worst of his concern about using his previously broken arm and was using it to experimentally lift the teacup to his mouth. It didn't look quite steady, but when Connor glanced at Kevin's face, he caught a familiar look in his eyes. Determination.

It was only a flash before it was gone, as if not even Kevin himself had noted its presence. Still, Connor thought. I was relieving to know that something Kevin-like was peeking through the disinterested façade.

"Do you remember anything of the accident?" Connor asked, since they had already breached the area of uncomfortable subjects.

"Nothing. My parents say I had borrowed the car to pick up some supplies for the freshman introduction, but I don't even remember that." Kevin smiled, but it wasn't reaching his eyes. "Guess my obsession with having decent extracurricular activities on my CV finally came back to bite me in the ass. If I still believed in God, I'd begin to suspect he had a serious problem with me."

Connor winced, despite himself. "Come on now…"

"Well, what should I believe then?" Kevin's smile slipped off his face as if it had never been there and he leaned forward. His arm twitched when he moved it to put the paper cup down, spilling tea over his fingers, but he didn't seem to notice. "I get that I was an asshole when I was nineteen, but I think I was punished for it then, right? Maybe I deserved it. And I got better, right?" He snorted, perhaps at the way Connor leaned back from his outburst. "Learned my lesson and all that. But this? What did I do to deserve this? Is this the punishment for _not_ believing?"

Connor pressed his lips together. There was no point in rationalizing whether God existed or not, even though he privately thought that Kevin's reasoning didn't sound like something coming from an atheist. Kevin was breathing heavily, but already seemed to be pulling back in on himself. It was painful to watch.

"I'm sorry Kevin," he said. His throat felt dry. "I'm so sorry this happened to you. Did you burn yourself?"

Kevin blinked, then looked down as if he just then realized that his hand and arm was still wet from the tea. He reached for the napkin dispenser and pulled out a handful, dabbing at himself and the table. "No, it's fine."

Connor watched the brown liquid soak into the paper napkins. "If that's how you feel, maybe you should stop looking for a meaning," he said, surprising even himself for a moment, because he hadn't consciously decided to voice his thoughts yet.

"I thought that's what we were supposed to do. Accept everything as God's plan?" Kevin rolled his eyes.

"And how is that working out for you?" It was so mean, Connor couldn't believe he said it. He was usually more diplomatic than that. A lot more.

Kevin stared at him like he wasn't not sure how to react. Then he scoffed and looked away. "You sound like my therapist."

"Must be a smart individual," Connor quipped in a somewhat desperate attempt to lighten the mood. This wasn't going the way he had hoped.

Kevin shrugged, but didn't protest, neither to the words nor the change in mood. He stared at the table for a moment. When he spoke, it was with a quiet voice. "I know it's true though. About not looking for a meaning. There is no meaning with this. Just bad luck. But that's… _worse_ , you know?"

Since Connor had been reunited with Kevin, he had seen his old friend look mellow, disinterested, bitter, polite, and angry. This was the first time he saw Kevin look scared, however. He felt his throat ache. "I can't imagine," he said, honestly. "I really can't."

Seeing Kevin attempt to smile was even more painful. "I guess you can't."


End file.
